I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
