Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Randomize