My liver just broke up with me...
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
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