So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
