Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
