is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
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