I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Randomize
