Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Randomize
