whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
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