i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Randomize
