Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Randomize
