UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
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