girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
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