i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
you made out with another girl for some wings
Randomize
