Only a mothe r could love this liver
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
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