I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
