Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Randomize
