there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
false alarm. still invincible.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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