I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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