I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
