It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
I have grass duct taped all over my body
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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