Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Randomize
