rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
how drunk are you?
Several
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Randomize
