He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Randomize