my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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