it's too hot outside to masturbate.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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