this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Dicks are not precious.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Randomize