Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
