My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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