eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
