.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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