I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Randomize
