Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
im drinking this country out of the recession.
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
