Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Randomize
