just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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