his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Randomize
