Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
