My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
