honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Randomize
