What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Randomize
