I think i peed on brittanys purse
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
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