remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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