He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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