There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
this is an emotional support booty call
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Randomize