I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Randomize
