my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Randomize
