im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
this hospital has no fireball
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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