He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
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