Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
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