I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
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