Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
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