Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
