I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
