I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
