omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
