I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Randomize
