first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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