apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
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