I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
