omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
