called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
