FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
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