the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
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