I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Randomize
