chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
