she sounds like chewbacca in bed
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
how does that bad decision feel?
please don't ironically join a cult
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