i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
Randomize
