I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
