grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
Your dad touched me again.
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Randomize
