Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Randomize
